Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
