she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I love you. Go after that dick
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
