why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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