dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Ladies don't puke and tell
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
