Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
