what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
