the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
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