i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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