just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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