he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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