Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
