how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
