just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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