You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
