i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
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