So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
