May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
