weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
And then he peed in my hair
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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