I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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