He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Randomize
