tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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