Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
