Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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