I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
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