jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
