What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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