Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
