He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
