I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize
