Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
