I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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