I am spending my child support on dildos
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize