ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
