i don't like sucking hair
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
