it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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