Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
