also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
