He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
