If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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