someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Randomize
