This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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