Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
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