Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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