i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
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