worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Randomize
