I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
