Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
