I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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