I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize