Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
