Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
