i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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