Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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