My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
