this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Randomize
