Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
