The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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