I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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