...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Randomize
