dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
