I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
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