Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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