I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
