After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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