get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Randomize
