Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
