I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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