I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
