Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
