I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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