my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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